Workwear shopping~

This is probably the last time I’m going to get to shop before I start work. My tentative budget tells me that after accounting for loan payments and other stuff, I’ll be down to $500 per month. It might sound a lot for most students but I used to have $1.5K disposable income per month during my internship+catsitting days. Please don’t ask me why I’m poorer as a working adult compared to being a student. -sigh- I’m really feeling the pressure to start cutting down on my random expenses… once i finish my shopping for work-related stuff. >_<

Met up with Hui Chee (finally!) for a quick, cheap dinner at RC foodcourt since we both felt so broke after our respective wallet-emptying graduation trips. We ended up going workwear shopping and I got a little mad at G2*** since the ongoing sale + 15% late night shopping discount made it pretty worthwhile.

Boring Workwear Loot:

1. G2*** Black Skirt $49 $29.20
2. G2*** Black Pants $59 $ 35.10
3. G2*** Brown Pants $49 $33.10
4. G2*** Striped B&W short-sleeved top $59 $40.10
5. B*si White Skirt with ribbon $39 $33.10
   Total: $170.60

My debit card points paid off though since I managed to redeem $60 worth of vouchers, reducing total damage to $110.60 for 5 pieces of very versatile workwear, i.e. an average of $22.10 per item. I think it was a brilliant bargain. =)

Now, it’s really time to stop. Grrr.

Protected: Quiet ludicrous obsession.

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NY Dream.

Living on a shoestring budget in a city of dreams…

The article caught my eye as mer & I (and later on, ailin too) were talking about how we all wanted to go to the US for our graduate degrees in 2-3 years’ time. Coincidentally, without any prior discussions whatsoever, we are all targeting the same university in NY, though in 3 vastly different fields of study. If this plan does materialise, it would be my first time visiting the US. I wonder what it’ll be like… -daydreams-

I’m still irrationally partial towards UK & Continental Europe though and this article is not helping.

“To live like a human being on the salary that I make is very difficult in this city,”
~ Quote from interviewee of NYT article linked above

Yikes.

late-night angst

An unpleasantly angsty chat with yeesh (sparked off by my all-too-preponderant feelings of inadequacy) led to her reminding me of the quote below – one which i loved ever since i read the book & watched the movie.

What does it mean when a quote keeps returning to your life, each time carrying as much meaning and as applicable to your life as it was the first time round? Does it indicate that nothing has ever changed at all through the course of time?

Don’t attach yourself to anyone who shows you the least bit of attention because you’re lonely. Loneliness is the human condition. No one is ever going to fill that space. The best you can do is know yourself… know what you want.

What do I want?

41% failure.

This marks the first time that I have seen so many consecutive “failed“s in my life.

I desperately need a miracle to occur in the next 13 days. What option is there left now except to fall back on my old “last minute hug Buddha’s feet” mugging method again? >_<

fie japan

fie japan sells cute accessories with whimsical designs that i love! i bought this necklace around a week ago after lunch with my ex-colleagues. i like the key+angel design though it’s really, really over-priced at $42…

mum’s reaction: “eh, you think you’re still 21 ah? buy key for what?”

bleh.

Shopping!

Went shopping with Lilin today. I think my shopping trips with her always results in the emptying of my wallet. >_<

Today’s Haul
1) Blue halter dress from BYSI (Casual Fri/Wkends) $53.10
2) 2 pairs of Heatwave shoes (for work) $49.85/2
3) Purplish-black tube dress (for grad night) $68.32
4) Rose Hip Oil (for the post-Japan-allergic-rxn scars on my legs) $30

Total? $201.27.  OUCH!

Time to start cutting back on the spending and start saving up a little more! I want to pay off my school loans as soon as possible!!!

P.S. I’m going to start listing my shopping sprees here. I think having a clear overview of just how much I spend every time will stop me from spending so much. Sigh. I’m thankful that all those never-ending internships and scholarships paid off in the sense that I’m not yet bankrupt despite my awful spending habits. It’s time to start monitoring my finances!

X & Y

I hate the feeling of being compared to an alternative. It sparks off a waterfall of self-despise revolving around how insufficient i feel. I’ll never be as smart/smart enough. I’ll never be as pretty/pretty enough. I’ll never be as good/good enough. I’ll never live up to your standards nor mine. I’ll never be more than what I already am (small & insignificant). I procrastinate too much. I know too little.

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
~ Woody Allen

I know comparisons are supposed to work the other way… to let yourself know where your weaknesses lie, to learn whose strengths you can learn from and to spur yourself on in improving yourself. All I can think about now though, is how insufficient I feel. I fear disappointing others who placed their faith in me and even more so, I fear failing to reach my own standards (yet again).

I’m sorry if I’ll end up disappointing you. I wasn’t lying and trust me, I am trying my very best.

***

All this stress on myself and the race has not even started.

Late Night Email

I felt like someone had kicked me in the gut when I read that one harmless sentence. Oh yes, it would have been nice if you had told me earlier (even though I know it wouldn’t have made any difference). It just provides a strange sort of comfort to know, rather than being left ignorant. Ignorance is not always bliss, as you probably know as well.

It’s odd. I’m totally over it and yet you still have a knack for finding those little jellyfish stings that manage to hit the spots that still hurt. Was it sixth sense that resulted in your name constantly popping up in conversation today like verbal diarrhoea?

I feel like the coffin lid has been nailed shut on this segment of my life for ever more from now on. In a way, I am truly thankful.

(Still, I regret the end of what was once a very fulfilling friendship.)

***

L’s little story-sharing tonight made me xin1 han2. Why do human beings like to torment themselves over silly mind games? What’s so bad about a straightforward offer and acceptance of feelings as the fragile intangible ties that they are? Why does honesty rate so low in the scheme of things?

I never did excel at these games that we human beings like to play. The unwritten rules confuse me and I always play the wrong moves. What makes us desire the things we can’t get above all others in the same room? Why do we like to hurt ourselves this way?

Ordinary Days

1) Met up with some of the aunties and we might be going on a grad trip together after all… I’m not too keen on the location since it’ll be like another sm*x excursion but at least i’ll get to climb Mt Kinab*lu! If this trip does materialise, I’ll definitely be looking forward to the view from the peak!

2) Mum’s been in TTSH for past 2 days. Over the many hours i spent in the ward with her, I learnt that I have absolutely zero patience with old ladies who nag. As mean as this will make me sound, I was pretty tempted to ask the nurse to find a way of shutting the old lady (in the adjacent bed) up. I have no clue who “BiBi” is or who “Ah Zai”  is so I totally do NOT appreciate her shouting out “Ah Mui” (I think it means ‘girl’ in Hokkien)  every minute and asking me random qns that I do not have the answers to and have told her so a million times before. And no, the ‘every minute’ is not an exaggerated description… if anything, it’s waaaay understated. I have nothing but absolute respect for nurses who work in a geriatrics ward. It takes high levels of listening skill and patience, which I can never hope to attain. I know I’m mean and I need to learn to be kinder to old people but there ARE limits. I’m in that ward to visit my mum, not to entertain a senile old lady, especially when I can barely answer her in Hokkien. I rather be frank and be a “zhen1 xiao3 ren2″ than a “wei3 jun1 zi3″.

3) I haven’t revised CFA for 2 weeks and I feel like an absolute slacker. I don’t understand how people can chill for weeks, f*care about the studies and sleep/play games all day long. I’ve been vegging out in front of tudou pretty often but I get pangs of guilt every couple of hours. Guess I better break that revision drought period tonight. *sigh*

4) I plastered up 2 chirashis of Takeshi from Shin*gami no Se*do as well as one of Anna T. from Sakur*n on my wardrobe. It’s getting a little unnerving to look into his (2D) face every time I open my wardrobe.